Happy Birthday Tootie!

Five years ago today, just after 1am, our Tootie came into this world. What a night/morning that was. Tootie is our eldest child and as such, our first foray into parenting. I had zero experience with pregnancies, pregnant people, or perhaps most importantly – babies. Tootie’s diaper was the first diaper that I EVER changed. I had no idea what to expect, especially when it came to labour and delivery. Yes, I went to the prenatal classes. But I didn’t learn anything there that I hadn’t already read in a book. I read lots of books. Armed myself to the hilt with knowledge, facts, statistics and expectations. But no book can fully prepare you for what lies ahead.

My mother, the Original Mamashunga, told me “it wasn't that bad”. That was a lie. It was excruciating. Not “I stubbed my toe” kind of pain, but rather “How can anyone possibly survive this” kind of pain. In fact, I wasn't sure that I would survive. Perhaps that is a tad dramatic, but there were moments, actual points in time, when those were the thoughts going through my head. People say that you forget, and maybe I will in time. But I haven’t yet. I remember a point where I was seized by a panic so pure that it was all-consuming. I informed my husband that I didn't think I could do it, as my eyes darted wildly around the room. My brain was already putting my shoes back on and headed home. It was a nice try, fun while it lasted, but this was not going to go any further. I couldn't take it any more. I absolutely could not do this. My logical husband kindly pointed out “You have to – no one else can.” Hmmm, good point. I was stuck.

I also recall the nurse asking for a number on the pain scale. What kind of a question is that anyway? There is no scale for this kind of pain. She wanted a number between one and ten. I am pretty sure that I screamed a much larger number in response.

The labour was fast and furious. I progressed from two centimeters to fully dilated and feeling an intense urge to push in a matter of minutes – well, less than an hour - shocking the nurse and spurring her into a flurry of activity that only increased my panic. Is it good when a nurse runs out of the room? (Turns out she ran out to call the doctor) I, of course assumed that she was fleeing for the hills and that I was now stranded, alone with my husband, to deliver this child on our own.

My awesome doc arrived in record time, but as we waited, I was told NOT to push. Do you have any idea how difficult it is NOT to push when every fibre of your being is telling you otherwise? Very. So those twenty minutes that it took my doc to roll out of bed and throw on some scrubs? Longest twenty minutes ever. Once we got going though, I can count on my fingers the number of pushes that I had to do.

Our Tootie joined us weighing in at 6lbs15oz. Shockingly small seeing as how I had gained over forty pounds and was under the assumption that I was carrying around a freakishly large baby in my belly to account for all those extra pounds. Apparently other parts of my body were accounting for them…

She was healthy and beautiful and completely amazing. Was it worth it? Absolutely. But that didn't make it any less painful or terrifying.

Five delightful years later, my Tootie continues to amaze me in new ways. As a typical mother, I assume that my child is the smartest, most beautiful child in the universe. That may not be true, but I enjoy thinking it.

We celebrated her five years on this planet over the weekend with a flower-themed party. (Details on the “Parties” page). Our Tootie LOVES flowers in a way that a choco-holic loves chocolate. She can’t walk by a wildflower without picking it. I am constantly discovering bundles of dried out (sometimes mouldy) flowers throughout her room and the house and I have to empty her backpack outside every night of the collection of flowers and rocks that has accumulated throughout the day.

Tootie loved her flower party and was enthusiastic to hand out her cupcakes to her classmates today.

Happy Birthday Tootie! You are so very loved. xoxo